III
As I have said, it was not immediately
that these wild visions began to hold their terrifying quality. Certainly,
many persons have dreamed intrinsically stranger things - things compounded
of unrelated scraps of daily life, pictures,and reading, and arranged in
fantastically novel forms by the unchecked caprices of sleep.
For some time I accepted the visions
as natural, even though I had never before been an extravagant dreamer.
Many of the vague anomalies, I argued, must have come from trivial sources
too numerous to track down; while others seemed to reflect a common text
book knowledge of the plants and other conditions of the primitive world
of a hundred and fifty million years ago - the world of the Permian or
Triassic age.
In the course of some months, however,
the element of terror did figure with accumulating force. This was when
the dreams began so unfailingly to have the aspect of memories, and when
my mind began to link them with my growing abstract disturbances - the
feeling of mnemonic restraint, the curious impressions regarding time,
and sense of a loathsome exchange with my
secondary personality of 1908-13,
and, considerably later, the inexplicable loathing of my own person.
As certain definite details began
to enter the dreams, their horror increased a thousandfold - until by October,
1915, I felt I must do something. It was then that I began an intensive
study of other cases of amnesia and visions, feeling that I might thereby
obectivise my trouble and shake clear of its emotional grip.
However, as before mentioned, the
result was at first almost exactly opposite. It disturbed me vastly to
find that my dreams had been so closely duplicated; especially since some
of the accounts were too early to admit of any geological knowledge - and
therefore of any idea of primitive landscapes - on the subjects' part.
What is more, many of these accounts
supplied very horrible details and explanations in connexion with the visions
of great buildings and jungle gardens - and other things. The actual sights
and vague impressions were bad enough, but what was hinted or asserted
by some of the other dreamers savored of madness and blasphemy. Worst of
all, my own pseudo-memory was aroused to milder dreams and hints of coming
revelations. And yet most doctors deemed my course, on he whole, an advisable
one.
I studied psychology systematically,
and under the prevailing stimulus my son Wingate did the same - his studies
leading eventually to his present professorship. In 1917 and 1918 I took
special courses at Miskatonic. Meanwhile, my examination of medical, historical,
and anthropological records became indefatigable, involving travels to
distant libraries, and finally including even a reading of the hideous
books of forbidden elder lore in which my secondary personality had been
so disturbingly interested.
Some of the latter were the actual
copies I had consulted in my altered state, and I was greatly disturbed
by certain marginal notations and ostensible corrections of the hideous
text in a script and idiom which somehow seemed oddly unhuman.
These markings were mostly in the
respective languages of the various books, all of which the writer seemed
to know with equal, though obviously academic, facility. One note appended
to von Junzt's Unaussprechlichen Kulten, however, was alarmingly otherwise.
It consisted of certain curvilinear hieroglyphs in the same ink as that
of the German corrections, but following no
recognized human pattern. And these
hieroglyphs were closely and unmistakably aldn to the characters constantly
met with in my dreams - characters whose meaning I would sometimes momentarily
fancy I knew, or was just on the brink of recalling.
To complete my black confusion,
my librarians assured me that, in view of previous examinations and records
of consultation of the volumes in question, all of these notations must
have been made by myself in my secondary state. This despite the fact that
I was and still am ignorant of three of the languages involved.
Piecing together the scattered records,
ancient and modern, anthropological and medical, I found a fairly consistent
mixture of myth and hallucination whose scope and wildness left me utterly
dazed. Only one thing consoled me, the fact that the myths were of such
early existence. What lost knowledge could have brought pictures of the
Palaeozoic or Mesozoic landscape into these primitive fables, I could not
even guess; but the pictures had been there. Thus, a basis existed for
the formation of a fixed type of delusion.
Cases of amnesia no doubt created
the general myth pattern - but afterward the fanciful accretions of the
myths must have reacted on amnesia sufferers and coloured their pseudo-memories.
I myself had read and heard all the early tales during my memory lapse
- my quest had amply proved that. Was it not natural, then, for my subsequent
dreams and emotional impressions to
become coloured and moulded by
what my memory subtly held over from my secondary state?
A few of the myths had significant
connexions with other cloudy legends of the pre-human world, especially
those Hindu tales involving stupefying gulfs of time and forming part of
the lore of modern theosopists.
Primal myth and modern delusion
joined in their assumption that mankind is only one - perhaps the least
- of the highly evolved and dominant races of this planet's long and largely
unknown career. Things of inconceivable shape, they implied, had reared
towers to the sky and delved into every secret of Nature before the first
amphibian forbear of man had crawled out of the hot sea
300 million years ago.
Some had come down from the stars;
a few were as old as the cosmos itself, others had arisen swiftly from
terrene germs as far behind the first germs of our life-cycle as those
germs are behind ourselves. Spans of thousands of millions of years, and
linkages to other galaxies and universes, were freely spoken of. Indeed,
there was no such thing as time in its humanly accepted sense.
But most of the tales and impressions
concerned a relatively late race, of a queer and intricate shape, resembling
no life-form known to science, which had lived till only fifty million
years before the advent of man. This, they indicated, was the greatest
race of all because it alone had conquered the secret of time.
It had learned all things that ever
were known or ever would be known on the earth, through the power of its
keener minds to project themselves into the past and future, even through
gulfs of millions of years, and study the lore of every age. From the accomplishments
of this race arose all legends of prophets, including those in human mythology.
In its vast libraries were volumes
of texts and pictures holding the whole of earth's annals-histories and
descriptions of every species that had ever been or that ever would be,
with full records of their arts, their achievements, their languages, and
their psychologies.
With this aeon-embracing knowledge,
the Great Race chose from every era and life-form such thoughts, arts,
and processes as might suit its own nature and situation. Knowledge of
the past, secured through a kind of mind-casting outside the recognized
senses, was harder to glean than knowledge of the future.
In the latter case the course was
easier and more material. With suitable mechanical aid a mind would project
itself forward in time, feeling its dim, extra-sensory way till it approached
the desired period. Then, after preliminary trials, it would seize on the
best discoverable representative of the highest of that period's life-forms.
It would enter the organism's brain and set up therein
its own vibrations, while the displaced
mind would strike back to the period of the displacer, remaining in the
latter's body till a reverse process was set up.
The projected mind, in the body
of the organism of the future, would then pose as a member of the race
whose outward form it wore, learning as quickly as possible all that could
be learned of the chosen age and its massed information and techniques.
Meanwhile the displaced mind, thrown
back to the displacer's age and body, would be carefully guarded. It would
be kept from harming the body it occupied, and would be drained of all
its knowledge by trained questioners. Often it could be questioned in its
own language, when previous quests into the future had brought back records
of that language.
If the mind came from a body whose
language the Great Race could not physically reproduce, clever machines
would be made, on which the alien speech could be played as on a musical
instrument.
The Great Race's members were immense
rugose cones ten feet high, and with head and other organs attached to
foot-thick, distensible limbs spreading from the apexes. They spoke by
the clicking or scraping of huge paws or claws attached to the end of two
of their four limbs, and walked by the expansion and contraction of a viscous
layer attached to their vast, ten-foot bases.
When the captive mind's amazement
and resentment had worn off, and when - assuming that it came from a body
vastly different from the Great Race's - it had lost its horror at its
unfamiliar temporary form, it was permitted to study its new environment
and experience a wonder and wisdom approyimating that of its displacer.
With suitable precautions, and in
exchange for suitable services, it was allowed to rove all over the habitable
world in titan airships or on the huge boatlike atomic-engined vehicles
which traversed the great roads, and to delve freely into the libraries
containing the records of the planet's past and future.
This reconciled many captive minds
to their lot; since none were other than keen, and to such minds the unveiling
of hidden mysteries of earth-closed chapters of inconceivable pasts and
dizzying vortices of future time which include the years ahead of their
own natural ages-forms always, despite the abysmal horrors often unveiled,
the supreme experience of life.
Now and then certain captives were
permitted to meet other captive minds seized from the future - to exchange
thoughts with consciousnesses living a hundred or a thousand or a million
years before or after their own ages. And all were urged to write copiously
in their own languages of themselves and their respective periods; such
documents to be filed in the great central
archives.
It may be added that there was one
special type of captive whose privileges were far greater than those of
the majority. These were the dying permanent exiles, whose bodies in the
future had been seized by keen-minded members of the Great Race who, faced
with death, sought to escape mental extinction.
Such melancholy exiles were not
as common as might be expected, since the longevity of the Great Race lessened
its love of life - especially among those superior minds capable of projection.
From cases of the permanent projection of elder minds arose many of those
lasting changes of personality noticed in later history - including mankind's.
As for the ordinary cases of exploration
- when the displacing mind had learned what it wished in the future, it
would build an apparatus like that which had started its flight and reverse
the process of projection. Once more it would be in its own body in its
own age, while the lately captive mind would return to that body of the
future to which it properly belonged.
Only when one or the other of the
bodies had died during the exchange was this restoration impossible. In
such cases, of course, the exploring mind had - like those of the death-escapers
- to live out an alien-bodied life in the future; or else the captive mind-like
the dying permanent exiles - had to end its days in the form and past age
of the Great Race.
This fate was least horrible when
the captive mind was also of the Great Race - a not infrequent occurrence,
since in all its periods that race was intensely concerned with its own
future. The number of dying permanent exiles of the Great Race was very
slight - largely because of the tremendous penalties attached to displacements
of future Great Race minds by the moribund.
Through projection, arrangements
were made to inflict these penalties on the offending minds in their new
future bodies - and sometimes forced reëxchanges were effected.
Complex cases of the displacement
of exploring or already captive minds by minds in various regions of the
past had been known and carefully rectified. In every age since the discovery
of mind projection, a minute but well-recognised element of the population
consisted of Great Race minds from past ages, sojourning for a longer or
shorter while.
When a captive mind of alien origin
was returned to its own body in the future, it was purged by an intricate
mechanical hypnosis of all it had learned in the Great Race's age - this
because of certain troublesome consequences inherent in the general carrying
forward of knowledge in large quantities.
The few existing instances of clear
transmission had caused, and would cause at known future times, great disasters.
And it was largely in consequence of two cases of this kind - said the
old myths - that mankind had learned what it had concerning the Great Race.
Of all things surviving physically
and directly from that aeon-distant world, there remained only certain
ruins of great stones in far places and under the sea, and parts of the
text of the frightful Pnakotic Manuscripts.
Thus the returning mind reached
its own age with only the faintest and most fragmentary visions of what
it had undergone since its seizure. All memories that could be eradicated
were eradicated, so that in most cases only a dream-shadowed blank stretched
back to the time of the first exchange. Some minds recalled more than others,
and the chance joining of memories had at rare times brought hints of the
forbidden past to future ages.
There probably never was a time
when groups or cults did not secretly cherish certain of these hints. In
the Necronomicon the presence of such a cult among human beings was suggested
- a cult that sometimes gave aid to minds voyaging down the aeons from
the days of the Great Race.
And, meanwhile, the Great Race itself
waxed well-nigh omniscient, and turned to the task of setting up exchanges
with the minds of other planets, and of exploring their pasts and futures.
It sought likewise to fathom the past years and origin of that black, aeon-dead
orb in far space whence its own mental heritage had come - for the mind
of the Great Race was older than its bodily
form.
The beings of a dying elder world,
wise with the ultimate secrets, had looked ahead for a new world and species
wherein they might have long life; and had sent their minds en masse into
that future race best adapted to house them - the cone-shaped beings that
peopled our earth a billion years ago.
Thus the Great Race came to be,
while the myriad minds sent backward were left to die in the horror of
strange shapes. Later the race would again face death, yet would live through
another forward migration of its best minds into the bodies of others who
had a longer physical span ahead of them.
Such was the background of intertwined
legend and hallucination. When, around 1920, I had my researches in coherent
shape, I felt a slight lessening of the tension which their earlier stages
had increased. After all, and in spite of the fancies prompted by blind
emotions, were not most of my phenomena readily explainable? Any chance
might have turned my mind to dark studies
during the amnesia - and then I
read the forbidden legends and met the members of ancient and ill-regarded
cults. That, plainly, supplied the material for the dreams and disturbed
feelings which came after the return of memory.
As for the marginal notes in dream-hieroglyphs
and languages unknown to me, but laid at my door by librarians - I might
easily have picked up a smattering of the tongues during my secondary state,
while the hieroglyphs were doubtless coined by my fancy from descriptions
in old legends, and afterward woven into my dreams. I tried to verify certain
points through conversation
with known cult leaders, but never
succeeded in establishing the right connexions.
At times the parallelism of so many
cases in so many distant ages continued to worry me as it had at first,
but on the other hand I reflected that the excitant folklore was undoubtedly
more universal in the past than in the present.
Probably all the other victims whose
cases were like mine had had a long and familiar knowledge of the tales
I had learned only when in my secondary state. When these victims had lost
their memory, they had associated themselves with the creatures of their
household myths - the fabulous invaders supposed to displace men's minds
- and had thus embarked upon quests for
knowledge which they thought they
could take back to a fancied, non-human past.
Then, when their memory returned,
they reversed the associative process and thought of themselves as the
former captive minds instead of as the displacers. Hence the dreams and
pseudo-memories following the conventional myth pattern.
Despite the seeming cumbrousness
of these explanations, they came finally to supersede all others in my
mind-largely because of the greater weakness of any rival theory. And a
substantial number of eminent psychologists and anthropologists gradually
agreed with me.
The more I reflected, the more convincing
did my reasoning seem; till in the end I had a really effective bulwark
against the visions and impressions which still assailed me. Suppose I
did see strange things at night? These were only what I had heard and read
of. Suppose I did have odd loathings and perspectives and pseudo-memories?
These, too, were only echoes of myths
absorbed in my secondary state.
Nothing that I might dream, nothing that I might feel, could be of any
actual significance.
Fortified by this philosophy, I
greatly improved in nervous equilibrium, even though the visions - rather
than the abstract impressions - steadily became more frequent and more
disturbingly detailed. In 1922 I felt able to undertake regular work again,
and put my newly gained knowledge to practical use by accepting an instructorship
in psychology at the university.
My old chair of political economy
had long been adequately filled - besides which, methods of teaching economics
had changed greatly since my heyday. My son was at this time just entering
on the post-graduate studies leading to his resent professorship, and we
worked together a great deal.
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