XXI
Before a new day, in my room,
had fully broken, my eyes opened to Mrs. Grose, who had come to my bedside
with worse news. Flora was so markedly feverish
that an illess was perhaps at
hand; she had passed a night of extreme unrest, a night agitated above
all by fears that had for their subject not in the least her former,
but wholly her present, governess.
It was not against the possible re-entrance of Miss Jessel on the scene
that she protested— it was conspicuously and passionately
against mine. I was promptly
on my feet of course, and with an immense deal to ask; the more that my
friend had discernibly now girded her loins to meet me once
more. This I felt as soon as
I had put to her the question of her sense of the child's sincerity as
against my own. "She persists in denying to you that she saw, or has
ever seen, anything?"
My visitor's trouble, truly,
was great. "Ah, miss, it isn't a matter on which I can push her! Yet it
isn't either, I must say, as if I much needed to. It has made her, every
inch of her, quite old."
"Oh, I see her perfectly from
here. She resents, for all the world like some high little personage, the
imputation on her truthfulness and, as it were, her respectability.
'Miss Jessel indeed— she!' Ah,
she's 'respectable,' the chit! The impression she gave me there yesterday
was, I assure you, the very strangest of all; it was quite
beyond any of the others. I
did put my foot in it! She'll never speak to me again."
Hideous and obscure as it all
was, it held Mrs. Grose briefly silent; then she granted my point with
a frankness which, I made sure, had more behind it. "I think
indeed, miss, she never will.
She do have a grand manner about it!
"And that manner"— I summed it
up— "is practically what's the matter with her now!"
Oh, that manner, I could see
in my visitor's face, and not a little else besides! "She asks me every
three minutes if I think you're coming in."
"I see— I see." I, too, on my
side, had so much more than worked it out. "Has she said to you since yesterday—
except to repudiate her familiarity with anything so
dreadful— a single other word
about Miss Jessel?"
"Not one, miss. And of course
you know," my friend added, "I took it from her, by the lake, that, just
then and there at least, there was nobody."
"Rather! And, naturally, you
take it from her still."
"I don't contradict her. What
else can I do?"
"Nothing in the world! You've
the cleverest little person to deal with. They've made them— their two
friends, I mean— still cleverer even than nature did; for it was
wondrous material to play on!
Flora has now her grievance, and she'll work it to the end."
"Yes, miss; but to what end?"
"Why, that of dealing with me
to her uncle. She'll make me out to him the lowest creature——!"
I winced at the fair show of
the scene in Mrs. Grose's face; she looked for a minute as if she sharply
saw them together. "And him who thinks so well of you!"
"He has an odd way— it comes
over me now," I laughed, "— of proving it! But that doesn't matter. What
Flora wants, of course, is to get rid of me."
My companion bravely concurred.
"Never again to so much as look at you."
"So that what you've come to
me now for," I asked, "is to speed me on my way?" Before she had time to
reply, however, I had her in check. "I've a better idea—
the result of my reflections.
My going would seem the right thing, and on Sunday I was terribly near
it. Yet that won't do. It's you who must go. You must take
Flora."
My visitor, at this, did speculate.
"But where in the world——?"
"Away from here. Away from them.
Away, even most of all, now, from me. Straight to her uncle."
"Only to tell on you——?"
"No, not 'only'! To leave me,
in addition, with my remedy."
She was still vague. "And what
is your remedy?"
"Your loyalty, to begin with.
And then Miles's."
She looked at me hard. "Do you
think he——?"
"Won't, if he has the chance,
turn on me? Yes, I venture still to think it. At all events, I want to
try. Get off with his sister as soon as possible and leave me with him
alone." I was amazed, myself,
at the spirit I had still in reserve, and therefore perhaps a trifle the
more disconcerted at the way in which, in spite of this fine example
of it, she hesitated. "There's
one thing, of course," I went on: "they mustn't, before she goes, see each
other for three seconds." Then it came over me that, in spite of
Flora s presumable sequestration
from the instant of her return from the pool, it might already be too late.
"Do you mean," I anxiously asked, "that they have met?"
At this she quite flushed. "Ah,
miss, I'm not such a fool as that! If I've been obliged to leave her three
or four times, it has been each time with one of the maids, and
at present, though she's alone,
she's locked in safe. And yet— and yet!" There were too many things.
"And yet what?"
"Well, are you so sure of the
little gentleman?"
"I'm not sure of anything but
you. But I have, since last evening, a new hope. I think he wants to give
me an opening. I do believe that— poor little exquisite
wretch!— he wants to speak.
Last evening, in the firelight and the silence, he sat with me for two
hours as if it were just coming."
Mrs. Grose looked hard, through
the window, at the gray, gathering day. "And did it come?"
"No, though I waited and waited,
I confess it didn't, and it was without a breach of the silence or so much
as a faint allusion to his sister's condition and absence that
we at last kissed for good night.
All the same," I continued, "I can't, if her uncle sees her, consent to
his seeing her brother without my having given the boy— and
most of all because things have
got so bad— a little more time."
My friend appeared on this ground
more reluctant than I could quite understand. "What do you mean by more
time?"
"Well, a day or two— really to
bring it out. He'll then be on my side— of which you see the importance.
If nothing comes, I shall only fail, and you will, at the worst,
have helped me by doing, on
your arrival in town, whatever yon may have found possible." So I put it
before her, but she continued for a little so inscrutably
embarrassed that I came again
to her aid. "Unless, indeed," I wound up, "you really want not to go."
I could see it, in her face,
at last clear itself; she put out her hand to me as a pledge. "I'll go—
I'll go. I'll go this morning."
I wanted to be very just. "If
you should wish still to wait, I would engage she shouldn't see me."
"No, no: it's the place itself.
She must leave it." She held me a moment with heavy eyes, then brought
out the rest. "Your idea's the right one. I myself, miss——"
"Well?"
"I can't stay."
The look she gave me with it
made me jump at possibilities. "You mean that, since yesterday, you have
seen——?"
She shook her head with dignity.
"I've heard——!"
"Heard?"
"From that child— horrors! There!"
she sighed with tragic relief. "On my honor, miss, she says things——!"
But at this evocation she broke down; she dropped,
with a sudden sob, upon my sofa
and, as I had seen her do before, gave way to all the grief of it.
It was quite in another manner
that I, for my part, let myself go. "Oh, thank God!"
She sprang up again at this,
drying her eyes with a groan. "'Thank God'?"
"It so justifies me!"
"It does that, miss!"
I couldn't have desired more
emphasis, but I just hesitated. "She's so horrible?"
I saw my colleague scarce knew
how to put it. "Really shocking."
"And about me?"
"About you, miss— since you must
have it. It's beyond everything, for a young lady; and I can't think wherever
she must have picked up——"
"The appalling language she applied
to me? I can, then!" I broke in with a laugh that was doubtless significant
enough.
It only, in truth, left my friend
still more grave. "Well, perhaps I ought to also— since I've heard some
of it before! Yet I can't bear it," the poor woman went on
while, with the same movement,
she glanced, on my dressing table, at the face of my watch. "But I must
go back."
I kept her, however. "Ah, if
you can't bear it——!"
"How can I stop with her, you
mean? Why, just for that: to get her away. Far from this," she pursued,
"far from them——"
"She may be different? She may
be free?" I seized her almost with joy. "Then, in spite of yesterday, you
believe—"
"In such doings?" Her simple
description of them required, in the light of her expression, to be carried
no further, and she gave me the whole thing as she had never
done. "I believe."
Yes, it was a joy, and we were
still shoulder to shoulder: if I might continue sure of that I should care
but little what else happened. My support in the presence of
disaster would be the same as
it had been in my early need of confidence, and if my friend would answer
for my honesty, I would answer for all the rest. On the
point of taking leave of her,
nonetheless, I was to some extent embarrassed. "There's one thing, of course—
it occurs to me— to remember. My letter, giving the
alarm, will have reached town
before you."
I now perceived still more how
she had been beating about the bush and how weary at last it had made her.
"Your letter won't have got there. Your letter never
went."
"What then became of it?"
"Goodness knows! Master Miles—"
"Do you mean he took it?" I gasped.
She hung fire, but she overcame
her reluctance. "I mean that I saw yesterday, when I came back with Miss
Flora, that it wasn't where you had put it. Later in the
evening I had the chance to
question Luke, and he declared that he had neither noticed nor touched
it." We could only exchange, on this, one of our deeper mutual
soundings, and it was Mrs. Grose
who first brought up the plumb with an almost elated "You see!"
"Yes, I see that if Miles took
it instead he probably will have read it and destroyed it."
"And don't you see anything else?"
I faced her a moment with a sad
smile. "It strikes me that by this time your eyes are open even wider than
mine."
They proved to be so indeed,
but she could still blush, almost, to show it. "I make out now what he
must have done at school." And she gave, in her simple
sharpness, an almost droll disillusioned
nod. "He stole!"
I turned it over— I tried to
be more judicial. "Well— perhaps."
She looked as if she found me
unexpectedly calm. "He stole letters!"
She couldn't know my reasons
for a calmness after all pretty shallow; so I showed them off as I might.
"I hope then it was to more purpose than in this case! The
note, at any rate, that I put
on me table yesterday," I pursued, "will have given him so scant an advantage—
for it contained only the bare demand for an interview—
that he is already much ashamed
of having gone so far for so little, and that what he had on his mind last
evening was precisely the need of confession." I seemed to
myself, for me instant, to have
mastered it, to see it all. "Leave us, leave us"— I was already, at the
door, hurrying her off. "I'll get it out of him. He'll meet me— he'll
confess. If he confesses, he's
saved. And if he's saved——"
"Then you are?" The dear woman
kissed me on this, and I took her farewell. "I'll save you without him!"
she cried as she went.
XXII
Yet it was when she had got off—
and I missed her on the spot— that the great pinch really came. If I had
counted on what it would give me to find myself alone
with Miles, I speedily perceived,
at least, that it would give me a measure. No hour of my stay in fact was
so assailed with apprehensions as that of my coming down
to learn that the carriage containing
Mrs. Grose and my younger pupil had already rolled out of the gates. Now
I was, I said to myself, face to face with the
elements, and for much of the
rest of the day, while I fought my weakness, I could consider that I had
been supremely rash. It was a tighter place still than I had yet
turned round in; all the more
that, for the first time, I could see in the aspect of others a confused
reflection of the crisis. What had happened naturally caused them all
to stare; there was too little
of the explained, throw out whatever we might, in the suddenness of my
colleague's act. The maids and the men looked blank; the effect
of which on my nerves was an
aggravation until I saw the necessity of making it a positive aid. It was
precisely, in short, by just clutching the helm that I avoided total
wreck; and I dare say that,
to bear up at all, I became, that morning, very grand and very dry. I welcomed
the consciousness that I was charged with much to do,
and I caused it to be known
as well that, left thus to myself, I was quite remarkably firm. I wandered
with that manner, for the next hour or two, all over the place
and looked, I have no doubt,
as if I were ready for any onset. So, for the benefit of whom it might
concern, I paraded with a sick heart.
The person it appeared least
to concern proved to be, till dinner, little Miles himself. My perambulations
had given me, meanwhile, no glimpse of him, but they had
tended to make more public the
change taking place in our relation as a consequence of his having at the
piano the day before, kept me, in Flora's interest, so
beguiled and befooled. The stamp
of publicity had of course been fully given by her confinement and departure,
and the change itself was now ushered in by our
nonobservance of the regular
custom of the schoolroom. He had already disappeared when, on my way down,
I pushed open his door, and I learned below that he
had breakfasted— in the presence
of a couple of the maids— with Mrs. Grose and his sister. He had then gone
out, as he said, for a stroll than which nothing, I
reflected, could better have
expressed his frank view of the abrupt transformation of my office. What
he would now permit this office to consist of was yet to be
settled: there was a queer relief,
at all events— I mean for myself in especial— in the renouncement of one
pretension. If so much had sprung to the surface, I scarce
put it too strongly in saying
that what had perhaps sprung highest was the absurdity of our prolonging
the fiction that I had anything more to teach him. It sufficiently
stuck out that, by tacit little
tricks in which even more than myself he carried out the care for my dignity,
I had had to appeal to him to let me off straining to meet him
on the ground of his true capacity.
He had at any rate his freedom
now; I was never to touch it again; as I had amply shown, moreover, when,
on his joining me in the schoolroom the previous night, I
had uttered, on the subject
of the interval just concluded, neither challenge nor hint. I had too much,
from this moment, my other ideas. Yet when he at last arrived,
the difficulty of applying them,
the accumulations of my problem, were brought straight home to me by the
beautiful little presence on which what had occurred had
as yet, for the eye, dropped
neither stain nor shadow.
To mark, for the house, the high
state I cultivated I decreed that my meals with the boy should be served,
as we called it, downstairs; so that I had been awaiting him
in the ponderous pomp of the
room outside of the window of which I had had from Mrs. Grose, that first
scared Sunday, my flash of something it would scarce have
done to call light. Here at
present I felt afresh— for I had felt it again and again— how my equilibrium
depended on the success of my rigid will, the will to shut my
eyes as tight as possible to
the truth that what I had to deal with was, revoltingly, against nature.
I could only get on at all by taking "nature" into my confidence and
my account, by treating my monstrous
ordeal as a push in a direction unusual, of course, and unpleasant, but
demanding, after all, for a fair front, only another turn of
the screw of ordinary human
virtue. No attempt, nonetheless, could well require more tact than just
this attempt to supply, one's self, all the nature. How could I put
even a little of that article
into a suppression of reference to what had occurred? How, on the other
hand, could I make reference without a new plunge into the
hideous obscure? Well, a sort
of answer, after a time, had come to me, and it was so far confirmed as
that I was met, incontestably, by the quickened vision of what
was rare in my little companion.
It was indeed as if he had found even now— as he had so often found at
lessons— still some other delicate way to ease me off.
Wasn't there light in the fact
which, as we shared our solitude, broke out with a specious glitter it
had never yet quite worn?— the fact that (opportunity aiding,
precious opportunity which had
now come) it would be preposterous, with a child so endowed, to forego
the help one might wrest from absolute intelligence? What
had his intelligence been given
him for but to save him? Mightn't one, to reach his mind, risk the stretch
of an angular arm over his character? It was as if, when we
were face to face in the dining
room, he had literally shown me the way, The roast mutton was on the table,
and I had dispensed with attendance. Miles, before he
sat down, stood a moment with
his hands in his pockets and looked at the joint, on which he seemed on
the point of passing some humorous judgment. But what he
presently produced was: "I say,
my dear, is she really very awfully ill?"
"Little Flora? Not so bad but
that she'll presently be better. London will set her up. Bly had ceased
to agree with her. Come here and take your mutton.
He alertly obeyed me, carried
the plate carefully to ms seat, and, when he was established, went on.
Did Bly disagree with her so terribly suddenly?
"Not so suddenly as you might
think. One had seen it coming on."
"Then why didn't you get her
off before?"
"Before what?"
"Before she became too ill to
travel."
I found myself prompt. "She's
not too ill to travel: she only might have become so if she had stayed.
This was just the moment to seize. The journey will dissipate the
influence"— oh, I was grand!—
"and carry it off."
"I see, I see"— Miles, for that
matter, was grand, too. He settled to his repast with the charming little
"table manner" that, from the day of his arrival, had relieved me
of all grossness of admonition.
Whatever he had been driven from school for, it was not for ugly feeding.
He was irreproachable, as always, today; but he was
unmistakably more conscious.
He was discernibly trying to take for granted more things than he found,
without assistance, quite easy; and he dropped into peaceful
silence while he felt his situation.
Our meal was of the briefest— mine a vain pretense, and I had the things
immediately removed. While this was done Miles stood
again with his hands in his
little pockets and his back to me— stood and looked out of the wide window
through which, that other day, I had seen what pulled me
up. We continued silent while
the maid was with us— as silent, it whimsically occurred to me, as some
young couple who, on their wedding journey, at the inn, feel
shy in the presence of the waiter.
He turned round only when the waiter had left us. "Well— so we're alone!"
XXIII
"Oh, more or less." I fancy my
smile was pale. "Not absolutely. We shouldn't like that!" I went on.
"No— I suppose we shouldn't.
Of course we have the others."
"We have the others— we have
indeed the others," I concurred.
"Yet even though we have them,"
he returned, still with his hands in his pockets and planted there in front
of me, "they don't much count, do they?"
I made the best of it, but I
felt wan. "It depends on what you call 'much!'."
"Yes"— with all accommodation—
"everything depends!" On this, however, he faced to the window again and
presently reached it with his vague, restless,
cogitating step. He remained
there awhile, with his forehead against the glass, in contemplation of
the stupid shrubs I knew and the dull things of November. I had
always my hypocrisy of "work,"
behind which, now, I gained the sofa. Steadying myself with it there as
I had repeatedly done at those moments of torment that I
have described as the moments
of my knowing me children to be given to something from which I was barred,
I sufficiently obeyed my habit of being prepared for
the worst. But an extraordinary
impression dropped on me as I extracted a meaning from the boy's embarrassed
back— none other than the impression that I was
not barred now. This influence
grew in a few minutes to sharp intensity and seemed bound up with the direct
perception that it was positively he who was. The
frames and squares of the great
window were a kind of image, for him, of a kind of failure. I felt that
I saw him, at any rate, shut in or shut out. He was admirable,
but not comfortable: I took
it in with a throb of hope. Wasn't he looking, through the haunted pane,
for something he couldn't see?— and wasn't it the first time in the
whole business that he had known
such a lapse? The first, the very first: I found it a splendid portent.
It made him anxious, though he watched himself; he had been
anxious all day and, even while
in his usual sweet little manner he sat at table, had needed all his small
strange genius to give it a gloss. When he at last turned round
to meet me, it was almost as
if this genius had succumbed. "Well, I think I'm glad Bly agrees with me!"
"You would certainly seem to
have seen, these twenty-four hours, a good deal more of it than for some
time before. I hope," I went on bravely, "that you've been
enjoying yourself."
"Oh, yes, I've been ever so far;
all round about— miles and miles away. I've never been so free."
He had really a manner of his
own, and I could only try to keep up with him. "Well, do you like it?"
He stood there smiling; then
at last he put into two words— "Do you?"— more discrimination than I had
ever heard two words contain. Before I had time to deal
with that, however, he continued
as if with the sense that this was an impertinence to be softened. "Nothing
could be more charming than the way you take it, for of
course if we're alone together
now it's you that are alone most. But I hope," he threw in, "yon don't
particularly mind!"
"Having to do with you?" I asked.
"My dear child, how can I help minding? Though I've renounced all claim
to your company— you're so beyond me— I at least
greatly enjoy it. What else
should I stay on for?"
He looked at me more directly,
and the expression of his face, graver now, struck me as the most beautiful
I had ever found in it. "You stay on just for that?"
"Certainly. I stay on as your
friend and from the tremendous interest I take in you till something can
be done for you that may be more worth your while. That needn't
surprise you." My voice trembled
so that I felt it impossible to suppress the shake. "Don't you remember
how I told you, when I came and sat on your bed the night
of the storm, that there was
nothing in the world I wouldn't do for you?"
"Yes, yes!" He, on his side,
more and more visibly nervous, had a tone to master; but he was so much
more successful than I that, laughing out through his gravity, he
could pretend we were pleasantly
jesting. "Only that, I think, was to get me to do something for you!"
"It was partly to get you to
do something," I conceded. "But you know, you didn't do it."
"Oh, yes," he said with the brightest
superficial eagerness, "you wanted me to tell you something."
"That's it. Out, straight out.
What you have on your mind, you know."
"Ah, then, is that what you've
stayed over for?"
He spoke with a gaiety through
which I could still catch the finest little quiver of resentful passion;
but I can't begin to express the effect upon me of an implication of
surrender even so faint. It
was as if what I had yearned for had come at last only to astonish me.
"Well, yes— I may as well make a clean breast of it. It was
precisely for that."
He waited so long that I supposed
it for the purpose of repudiating the assumption on which my action had
been founded; but what he finally said was: "Do you
mean now— here?"
"There couldn't be a better place
or time." He looked round him uneasily, and I had the rare— oh, the queer—
impression of the very first symptom I had seen in
him of the approach of immediate
fear. It was as if he were suddenly afraid of me— which struck me indeed
as perhaps the best thing to make him. Yet in the very
pang of the effort I felt it
vain to try sternness, and I heard myself the next instant so gentle as
to be almost grotesque "You want so to go out again?"
"Awfully!" He smiled at me heroically,
and the touching little bravery of it was enhanced by his actually flushing
with pain. He had picked up his hat, which he had
brought in, and stood twirling
it in a way that gave me, even as I was just nearly reaching port, a perverse
horror of what I was doing. To do it in any way was an act
of violence, for what did it
consist of but the obtrusion of the idea of grossness and guilt on a small
helpless creature who had been for me a revelation of the
possibilities of beautiful intercourse?
Wasn't it base to create for a being so exquisite a mere alien awkwardness?
I suppose I now read into our situation a clearness
it couldn't have had at the
time, for I seem to see our poor eyes already lighted with some spark of
a prevision of the anguish that was to come. So we circled about,
with terrors and scruples, like
fighters not daring to close. But it was for each other we feared! That
kept us a little longer suspended and unbruised. "I'll tell you
everything," Miles said— "I
mean I'll tell you anything you like. You'll stay on with me, and we shall
both be all right; and I will tell you— I will. But not now."
"Why not now?"
My insistence turned him from
me and kept him once more at his window in a silence during which, between
us, you might have heard a pin drop. Then he was
before me again with the air
of a person for whom, outside, someone who had frankly to be reckoned with
was waiting. "I have to see Luke."
I had not yet reduced him to
quite so vulgar a lie, and I felt proportionately ashamed. But, horrible
as it was, his lies made up my truth. I achieved thoughtfully a few
loops of my knitting. "Well,
then, go to Luke, and I'll wait for what you promise. Only, in return for
that, satisfy, before you leave me, one very much smaller
request."
He looked as if he felt he had
succeeded enough to be able still a little to bargain. "Very much smaller——?"
"Yes, a mere fraction of the
whole. Tell me"— oh, my work preoccupied me, and I was offhand!— "if, yesterday
afternoon, from the table in the hall, you took, you
know, my letter."
XXIV
My sense of how he received this
suffered for a minute from something that I can describe only as a fierce
split of my attention— a stroke that at first, as I sprang
straight up, reduced me to the
mere blind movement of getting hold of him, drawing him close, and, while
I just fell for support against the nearest piece of furniture,
instinctively keeping him with
his back to the window. The appearance was full upon us that I had already
had to deal with here: Peter Quint had come into view like
a sentinel before a prison.
The next thing I saw was that, from outside, he had reached the window,
and then I knew that, close to the glass and glaring in through it,
he offered once more to the
room his white face of damnation. It represents but grossly what took place
within me at the sight to say that on the second my decision
was made; yet I believe that
no woman so overwhelmed ever in so short a time recovered her grasp of
the act. It came to me in the very horror of the immediate
presence that the act would
be, seeing and facing what I saw and faced, to keep the boy himself unaware.
The inspiration— I can call it by no other name— was
that I felt how voluntarily,
how transcentently, I might. It was like fighting with a demon for a human
soul, and when I had fairly so appraised it I saw how the human
soul— held out, in the tremor
of my hands, at arm's length— had a perfect dew of sweat on a lovely childish
forehead. The face that was close to mine was as white
as the face against the glass,
and out of it presently came a sound, not low nor weak, but as if from
much further away, that I drank like a waft of fragrance.
"Yes I took it."
At this, with a moan of joy,
I enfolded, I drew him close; and while I held him to my breast, where
I could feel in the sudden fever of his little body the tremendous
pulse of his little heart, I
kept my eyes on the thing at the window and saw it move and shift its posture.
I have likened it to a sentinel, but its slow wheel, for a
moment, was rather the prowl
of a baffled beast. My present quickened courage, however, was such that,
not too much to let it through, I had to shade, as it were,
my flame. Meanwhile the glare
of the face was again at the window, the scoundrel fixed as if to watch
and wait. It was the very confidence that I might now defy him,
as well as the positive certitude,
by this time, of the child's unconsciousness, that made me go on, "What
did you take it for?"
'To see what you said about me."
"You opened the letter?"
"I opened it."
My eyes were now, as I held him
off a little again, on Miles's own face, in which the collapse of mockery
showed me how complete was the ravage of uneasiness.
What was prodigious was that
at last, by my success, his sense was sealed and his communication stopped:
he knew that he was in presence, but knew not of what,
and knew still less that I also
was and that I did know. And what did this strain of trouble matter when
my eyes went back to the window only to see that the air was
clear again and— by my personal
triumph— the influence quenched? There was nothing there. I felt that the
cause was mine and that I should surely get all. "And
you found nothing!"— I let my
elation out.
He gave the most mournful, thoughtful
little headshake. "Nothing."
"Nothing, nothing!" I almost
shouted in my joy.
'Nothing, nothing," he sadly
repeated.
I kissed his forehead; it was
drenched. "So what have you done with it?"
"I've burned it."
"Burned it?" It was now or never.
"Is that what you did at school?"
Oh, what this brought up! "At
school?"
"Did you take letters? or other
things?"
"Other things?" He appeared now
to be thinking of something far off and that reached him only through the
pressure of his anxiety. Yet it did reach him. "Did I
steal?"
I felt myself redden to the roots
of my hair as well as wonder if it were more strange to put to a gentleman
such a question or to see him take it with allowances that
gave the very distance of his
fall in the world. "Was it for that you mightn't go back?"
The only thing he felt was rather
a dreary little surprise. "Did you know I mightn't go back?"
"I know everything."
He gave me at this the longest
and strangest look. "Everything?"
"Everything. Therefore did you——?"
But I couldn't say it again.
Miles could, very simply. "No.
I didn't steal."
My face must have shown him I
believed him utterly; yet my hands— but it was for pure tenderness— shook
him as if to ask him why, if it was all for nothing, he had
condemned me to months of torment.
"What then did you do?"
He looked in vague pain all round
the top of the room and drew his breath, two or three times over, as if
with difficulty. He might have been standing at the bottom of
the sea and raising his eyes
to some faint green twilight. "Well— I said things."
"Only that?"
"They thought it was enough!"
"To turn you out for?"
Never, truly, had a person "turned
out" shown so little to explain it as this little person! He appeared to
weigh my question, but in a manner quite detached and
almost helpless. "Well, I suppose
I oughtn't."
But to whom did you say them?"
He evidently tried to remember,
but it dropped— he had lost it. "I don't know!"
He almost smiled at me in the
desolation of his surrender, which was indeed practically, by this time,
so complete that I ought to have left it there. But I was
infatuated— I was blind with
victory, though even then the very effect that was to have brought him
so much nearer was already that of added separation. "Was it to
everyone?" I asked.
"No; it was only to——" But he
gave a sick little headshake. "I don't remember their names."
"Were they then so many?"
"No— only a few. Those I liked."
Those he liked? I seemed to float
not into clearness, but into a darker obscure, and within a minute there
had come to me out of my very pity the appalling alarm of
his being perhaps innocent.
It was for the instant confounding and bottomless, for if he were innocent,
what then on earth was I? Paralyzed, while it lasted, by the
mere brush of the question,
I let him go a little, so that, with a deep-drawn sigh, he turned away
from me again; which, as he faced toward the clear window, I
suffered, feeling that I had
nothing now there to keep him from. "And did they repeat what you said?"
I went on after a moment.
He was soon at some distance
from me, still breathing hard and again with the air, though now without
anger for it, of being confined against his will. Once more, as
he had done before, he looked
up at the dim day as if, of what had hitherto sustained him, nothing was
left but an unspeakable anxiety. "Oh, yes," he nevertheless
replied— "they must have repeated
them. To those they liked," he added.
There was, somehow, less of it
than I had expected; but I turned it over. "And these things came round——?"
"To the masters? Oh, yes!" he
answered very simply. "But I didn't know they'd tell."
"The masters? They didn't— they've
never told. That's why I ask you."
He turned to me again his little
beautiful fevered face. "Yes, it was too bad."
"Too bad?"
"What I suppose I sometimes said.
To write home."
I can't name the exquisite pathos
of the contradiction given to such a speech by such a speaker; I only know
that the next instant I heard myself throw off with
homely force: "Stuff and nonsense!"
But the next after that I must have sounded stern enough. "What were these
things?"
My sternness was all for his
judge, his executioner; yet it made him avert himself again, and that movement
made me, with a single bound and an irrepressible cry,
spring straight upon him. For
there again, against the glass, as if to blight his confession and stay
his answer, was the hideous author of our woe— the white face of
damnation. I felt a sick swim
at the drop of my victory and all the return of my battle, so that the
wildness of my veritable leap only served as a great betrayal. I saw
him, from the midst of my act,
meet it with a divination, and on the perception that even now he only
guessed, and that the window was still to his own eyes free, I let
the impulse flame up to convert
the climax of his dismay into the very proof of his liberation. "No more,
no more, no more!" I shrieked, as I tried to press him against
me, to my visitant.
"Is she here?" Miles panted as
he caught with his sealed eyes the direction of my words. Then as his strange
"she" staggered me and, with a gasp, I echoed it, "Miss
Jessel, Miss Jessel!" he with
a sudden fury gave me back.
I seized, stupefied, his supposition
some sequel to what we had done to Flora, but this made me only want to
show him that it was better still than that. "It's not Miss
Jessel! But it's at the window—
straight before us. It's there— the coward horror, there for the last time!"
At this, after a second in which
his head made the movement of a baffled dog's on a scent and then gave
a frantic little shake for air and light, he was at me in a white
rage, bewildered, glaring vainly
over the place and missing wholly, though it now, to my sense, filled the
room like the taste of poison, the wide, overwhelming
presence. "It's he?"
I was so determined to have all
my proof that I flashed into ice to challenge him. "Whom do you mean. by
'he'?"
"Peter Quint— you devil!" His
face gave again, round the room, its convulsed supplication. "Where?"
They are in my ears still, his
supreme surrender of the name and his tribute to my devotion. "What does
he matter now, my own?— what will he ever matter? I have
you," I launched at the beast,
"but he has lost you forever!" Then, for the demonstration of my work,
"There, there!" I said to Miles.
But he had already jerked straight
round, stared, glared again, and seen but the quiet day. With the stroke
of the loss I was so proud of he uttered the cry of a
creature hurled over an abyss,
and the grasp with which I recovered him might have been that of catching
him in his fall. I caught him, yes, I held him— it may be
imagined with what a passion;
but at the end of a minute I began to feel what it truly was that I held.
We were alone with the quiet day, and his little heart,
dispossessed, had stopped.
The End